I SOMETIMES DON'T MIND THESE SIDE EFFECTS OF MY SO CALLED LIFE.
They're what make me. They're what break me. They're what twist and turn my world into what it is today. As I sit here wondering why, I think to myself: I know the answer, I know why already. I hate to think of the truth, I hate to think that I could be right. I don't want to be right as to why this is all happening. Things happen for a reason... They do indeed. They happen because someone wants me to fail. Someone wants me to be miserable. Someone has control over me, and I do not like it. These are the side effects of my so called life. I'll lie there in bed, tossing and turning, trying to hold onto the thing I love the most.. It pushes me away. It doesn't want to hold me. It doesn't want my love. Do you know how this makes me feel? Well, neither do I. It confuses me. I try so hard to do everything right but yet, I fail. I always fail.When I wake up in the morning, it's there. When I come home from class, it's there. It knows how to make me smile when I'm down. It knows what to make me to eat (even though it'll make me try new things, I don't mind). It knows how to pick me up when I'm down. There is nothing it could do that would make me love them any less. I wish it was there everyday. I wish it was forever. One day. Maybe. Possibly. These are the side effects of my so called life. My so called friends never ask about me. They never call me. They never try. I feel alone in this world at the moment with the exception of him. I have no friends here. I have no life here except when he's here. There is nothing for me out here besides him. My "friends" from home don't even visit me. My family doesn't visit me, no matter how much I tell them I don't want them here, they still never surprise me. Some family. I'd like to see some of them sometime. And then they complain when I don't see them when I'm home... Come here; don't wait for me to tell you I'm home. These are the side effects of my so called life. God forbid I actually feel happy for once, right? Well, you know what; I am happy with one aspect of my life for once: him. Fuck the rest of this shit. College, professors, people, assholes, bullshit that follows me around from Jersey to Penn; and I'm sick of it. I'm not even in the goddamn state, leave me be. Let me lead my own life; let me do my own thing. I'm sick of finding all the pieces of my life on the floor just to try and pick them back up again and again. Give me something different. Give me something new. Give me something unusual, that I've never had before. Impossible... and yet; These are the side effects of my so called life.
