Current Favorite Bands/Music Obsession.
My top favorite four bands always stay the same: HIM, Kill Hannah The Rasmus and Razed In Black. I'll always go out of my way for those bands. Yes, one is industrial.. So? I happen to love industrial music; get over it. It's the bands after those three that like to change it up depending on what type of mood I'm in on a particular day. I Am Ghost will always have a place in my heart, I never got to see them perform live, and I wish I had because I love their music. I wish I had gotten to see them. The next band I am dearly in love with is 30 Seconds To Mars... not because Jared Leto is fucking gorgeous, but because the music actually means something when you listen to it, and the lyrics are phenomenally written. I have yet to see them in concert still, and I've loved their music for years now. I need to see them before I die; that's a fact. So let's move on into other bands: Mind.In.A.Box: Their music can be soothing, magical and can make me want to go to a rave and just... rave all night long. When you think about it, industrial music isn't supposed to have amazingly written lyrics, just amazing beats. Well this band has both of them; and I just can't get enough of them at all. I really want to go to Kenetik Festival in Montreal this May to see them and all the other Industrial bands that are going to be there.. but I just don't have the money to go anywhere now that I am away in college... And I hate that I can't go. The other bands that I will do anything for include William Control and Aiden (same person technically), Vampires Everywhere!, The Misfits, The Zombie Mafia, Sirena, September Mourning, Modern Day Escape, and Motionless In White. Most of the members in these bands I just listed are friends. Sirena is made up of a bunch of people I know, and so is The Zombie Mafia. I do pictures for The Misfits every year in October, and a few of the other bands whenever they come around. I can't wait for Aiden to go back on tour so I can see WiL again; I miss him, and I love that he knows me by name now after spending some time with him on his last tour. I'm getting older now, and starting to become friends with the bands instead of being a groupie like I admit I used to be. I'm dressing differently when I go to shows; not to be a whore, but to show that I don't need to wear jeans and sneakers to a show anymore and I'm an actual fucking human being who can still enjoy the music. I'm changing, and I'm changing for the better. I'm becoming who I want to be in the music business; I just haven't gotten there completely yet.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day Seven.
Something That You Miss.
Something that I miss? Well to put it plainly: Dad. I know I've said this before in previous entries, but this is bone hard medical fact. I miss my dad. I haven't seen him in aver 9 years (as you know) and I think that's part of the reason I am depressed so much. I'm missing the dad in my life. I mean yes, we talk on the phone and make plans to see each other.... but they always fall through. They never go according to plan, and that's what kills me the most. He always says things, gets my hopes up, and then everything falls apart and it makes me slightly more depressed than what it has been. If I don't go to him, he will not come to me; and I know this for a fact. I'm going to have to drag my ass down to Florida, AGAIN, just to see him, and if he comes through, I'll get to see him. And I'll be sure to bring my baseball bat or hockey stick to beat the shit out of him; after I hug and kiss him for the first time in 9 years...
There's also something else I miss... at the current moment: Jim. It's been almost two weeks since I've seen him last; and I miss him terribly. They always say a little bit of distance is good for the heart: it makes you love the person more and more with each mile you're apart. Well, I truly miss him enough to say that. I miss his touch, his kiss, his body, his face; his everything. In the short time we've been together, he has managed to pick me up off my feet (literally) and make me feel alive again. I love him, and I miss him all too much for my own good. Being away from him for 2 weeks at a time is hard enough; the summer is going to be rough because I'll be back in Jersey... if I don't get summer housing; which I'm hoping I can get this summer because well, I'm really liking living on my own... away from all the bullshit, and I'm closer to him this way.... I'd do anything for love; anything.
Something that I miss? Well to put it plainly: Dad. I know I've said this before in previous entries, but this is bone hard medical fact. I miss my dad. I haven't seen him in aver 9 years (as you know) and I think that's part of the reason I am depressed so much. I'm missing the dad in my life. I mean yes, we talk on the phone and make plans to see each other.... but they always fall through. They never go according to plan, and that's what kills me the most. He always says things, gets my hopes up, and then everything falls apart and it makes me slightly more depressed than what it has been. If I don't go to him, he will not come to me; and I know this for a fact. I'm going to have to drag my ass down to Florida, AGAIN, just to see him, and if he comes through, I'll get to see him. And I'll be sure to bring my baseball bat or hockey stick to beat the shit out of him; after I hug and kiss him for the first time in 9 years...
There's also something else I miss... at the current moment: Jim. It's been almost two weeks since I've seen him last; and I miss him terribly. They always say a little bit of distance is good for the heart: it makes you love the person more and more with each mile you're apart. Well, I truly miss him enough to say that. I miss his touch, his kiss, his body, his face; his everything. In the short time we've been together, he has managed to pick me up off my feet (literally) and make me feel alive again. I love him, and I miss him all too much for my own good. Being away from him for 2 weeks at a time is hard enough; the summer is going to be rough because I'll be back in Jersey... if I don't get summer housing; which I'm hoping I can get this summer because well, I'm really liking living on my own... away from all the bullshit, and I'm closer to him this way.... I'd do anything for love; anything.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Day Six.
This Month.
This month has been an adventure. It has come to an end; abruptly. It flew past, just like Christmas did and New Years and I'm still amazed that I am where I am right now.... I never thought I'd make it this far. I'm living on my own. I'm away at college. I don't want to start having a panic attack while I'm on my own; I'll freak out. But, anyway, so this month has been amazing. I found love. I found hate. I found happiness inside myself I thought I'd never see again for a very, very long time. January has been an adventure to say the least, and I'm glad I am where I am now. I'm almost stress free. Almost away from everything back home and all the bullshit in South River. A great, great amount of stress has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel I can breathe again for once. I think people are finally realizing that I'm growing up, meaning family, and they have learned that they don't need to hear from me every goddamn day in order to make sure I'm alive. Of course I'm alive. I don't die; I won't die. Needless to say, January was a pretty amazing month for me. I learned alot about myself that I didn't know, and while I'm here in school, I know I'll be learning a way lot more than I hope to.
This month has been an adventure. It has come to an end; abruptly. It flew past, just like Christmas did and New Years and I'm still amazed that I am where I am right now.... I never thought I'd make it this far. I'm living on my own. I'm away at college. I don't want to start having a panic attack while I'm on my own; I'll freak out. But, anyway, so this month has been amazing. I found love. I found hate. I found happiness inside myself I thought I'd never see again for a very, very long time. January has been an adventure to say the least, and I'm glad I am where I am now. I'm almost stress free. Almost away from everything back home and all the bullshit in South River. A great, great amount of stress has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel I can breathe again for once. I think people are finally realizing that I'm growing up, meaning family, and they have learned that they don't need to hear from me every goddamn day in order to make sure I'm alive. Of course I'm alive. I don't die; I won't die. Needless to say, January was a pretty amazing month for me. I learned alot about myself that I didn't know, and while I'm here in school, I know I'll be learning a way lot more than I hope to.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Day Five. Also, A Rant.
Your Definition of Love.
Well isn't this the kind of perfect one for today. I think so, atleast. My definition of love... Well, I'll start off by saying this: I am in love, currently. I know what love feels like, I know what it does to people, and I know how much it can hurt people. Love means being faithful. Love means never cheating on the other. Love is something that is not just given; you need to stumble upon it, you need to fall, you need to be sure that you want to be with that person for as long as life lets you be. Love isn't something I take lightly. When someone says it to me when we are in a relationship, my heart just flutters and feels like it's actually beating again. I'm not one who can live in misery my whole life like some others. I would do anything for happiness sometimes, and I think that's what always kills me. I think I try too hard to be happy and make other people happy that in return I get let down. Love is something that I have found to be very confusing and very... manipulative. If you love someone, tell the world. Tell everyone you know. Because if you truly love that person, true friends will be happy for you. And although they may not show it, or be jealous, deep down inside, they feel happy for you that you're happy. Love means bragging about what you have. Both parties should do it, not just one of you. If only one of you brags to the world, then it's not true, true love. You both have to be madly, deeply in love for others to be jealous. I personally like when other people are jealous, because then I know I've got something good and I'll never want to lose it or give it up to anyone else. Love doesn't mean ignoring the person when a problem arises, rather, talking it out so it doesn't happen again. The more you ignore an issue, the more it will happen and the more and more times it will be harder to ignore those issues until it finally ends in heart-break. Love means always talking out your problems, no matter how silly, serious, stupid or lame they are. Love can be a disease. Once you've caught the disease, it can be hard to make it disappear. However, love can also be beautiful. When you've found that one person that makes you truly happy; never ever let them go. Through thick and thin, bad times and good; love will always be the best moments in your life, whether they are worth remembering or not. Remember that love can be painful. It can destroy lives. But with the right person, you can be swept off your feet, and fall in love all over again. That's what happened to me, and I have never been happier.
Well isn't this the kind of perfect one for today. I think so, atleast. My definition of love... Well, I'll start off by saying this: I am in love, currently. I know what love feels like, I know what it does to people, and I know how much it can hurt people. Love means being faithful. Love means never cheating on the other. Love is something that is not just given; you need to stumble upon it, you need to fall, you need to be sure that you want to be with that person for as long as life lets you be. Love isn't something I take lightly. When someone says it to me when we are in a relationship, my heart just flutters and feels like it's actually beating again. I'm not one who can live in misery my whole life like some others. I would do anything for happiness sometimes, and I think that's what always kills me. I think I try too hard to be happy and make other people happy that in return I get let down. Love is something that I have found to be very confusing and very... manipulative. If you love someone, tell the world. Tell everyone you know. Because if you truly love that person, true friends will be happy for you. And although they may not show it, or be jealous, deep down inside, they feel happy for you that you're happy. Love means bragging about what you have. Both parties should do it, not just one of you. If only one of you brags to the world, then it's not true, true love. You both have to be madly, deeply in love for others to be jealous. I personally like when other people are jealous, because then I know I've got something good and I'll never want to lose it or give it up to anyone else. Love doesn't mean ignoring the person when a problem arises, rather, talking it out so it doesn't happen again. The more you ignore an issue, the more it will happen and the more and more times it will be harder to ignore those issues until it finally ends in heart-break. Love means always talking out your problems, no matter how silly, serious, stupid or lame they are. Love can be a disease. Once you've caught the disease, it can be hard to make it disappear. However, love can also be beautiful. When you've found that one person that makes you truly happy; never ever let them go. Through thick and thin, bad times and good; love will always be the best moments in your life, whether they are worth remembering or not. Remember that love can be painful. It can destroy lives. But with the right person, you can be swept off your feet, and fall in love all over again. That's what happened to me, and I have never been happier.
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| This is Jim. I love him. |
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